Life had turned complacent.
Neutral it seemed, to it’s very core.
It reminded me of the shade the walls turned as they stared back menacingly on the nights where no light dawned.
There had been no sign of real danger in a long while.
Yet my face was stricken with the pressed smile of a harvest moon.
Lately my spirits had faltered and the last sight of normalcy was chipping away, hefty chunks which fell and broke around my bare feet.
I’d been plastered with denial and struck with a frenzied panic that resembled what I imagined to be electromagnetic waves during an ultraviolet radiation symphony.
The risk of awakening again was far too great.
Each day grew longer and I became even more unsure of the pills, of this seemingly too concrete foundation that laid the framework for my reality.
I covered what mirrors I could and anything that could possibly reflect back the settling darkness that held as a placeholder for the once smoldering fire in my eyes.
They knew too much and their emptiness hung open.
I feared that their weighing validation on my state at the time would shatter my wall and conjure the demons in my mind to rise once again.
I could hear them screaming in the back, yearning for not just anyone but for me to come and join the madness at their digression, to trade in all I’d built for another night of rendezvous.
I held my angels tighter.
I begged them to hold me during the moments I could not stand and brawl.
I questioned if I even had it in me to maintain any longer than I already had.
I was falling short.
One step behind falling apart.
I figured I’d sit on my hands and wait it out until it passed through but as time lingered I became bothered, fidgeting until the terror spiraled in stark intensities.
The fright strikes vengeance and with it came friends from around the bend.
I closed my eyes and even though the nightmares had subsided and monotony was my tune, I realized as long as I was in my skin I’d never escape the impending doom.